Chip Stern

Is nothing sacred? Is there no place left where New Yorkers may briefly sequester themselves from our stressful urban landscape?

Apparently not, because in an ironic example of “love me, love my dog,” let us present our candidate for worst of breed – those obnoxious new screens in the backseats of cabs. This invasive, abrasive “technology enhancement” was piggy-backed on to the much-vaunted credit card swiper/GPS tracking systems when they debuted together this past fall.

Well, the public has spoken and the verdict is in: Taxi TV is just awful, representing the latest in a series of flea-bag marketing platforms the city’s Taxi and Limousine Commission has attempted to foist upon paying customers over the years under the guise of “interactive information and entertainment.”

Information? That’s reading a book or newspaper. Entertainment? That’s choosing to turn on the TV or go to a concert. No, this is captive, cacophonous commercialism that robs drivers and passengers alike of one of our last remaining sanctuaries of peace and quiet in this city.

Believe me, as a cabbie I’m way cool with credit cards. And I’m okay with GPS tracking too, if it’s done right. But this technology is an affront to the dignity of every carbon-based life form who dares to sit inside a yellow cab. It poses a dangerous distraction to drivers while violating the sanctity of a passenger’s downtime and silence – quite a precious commodity in this bustling metropolis.
Which helps explain the hostility New Yorkers routinely express for this steaming pile of treacle. As an elderly upper East Side matron so elegantly put it upon getting into my cab: “I can entertain myself, thank you very much. When I get into a taxi cab I relish those few minutes of quiet so I can just let my mind sort of float.”

How exactly did New Yorkers – promised a state-of-the-art navigation system and credit card swiping machines in every taxi – end up with Ron Popeil hawking a Pocket Fisherman in the backseat, let alone that goofy, low-resolution computer map, visible only to the passenger?

No, it won’t tell you how to get where you’re going, but it purports to show you where you are – which you could pretty readily ascertain by looking out the damn window.

Nor do the on-screen “mute” or “on/off” buttons always work. And why should someone paying good money for a cab ride have to affirmatively opt for a few minutes of silence, anyway?

Such is the TLC’s bizarre interpretation of “enhanced service” for cab riders. We’ve gone from the abbreviated agita of those public service celebrity lap dances that once assaulted the senses to a nonstop audiovisual barrage from oh-so-cute news anchors doing the Al Roker Two-Step, while shameless advertisers drone on and on in a continuous loop of dreary filler that is akin to a sneak preview of hell.

It’s no surprise that this dreary gibberish was initially rejected by New Yorkers and the TLC itself during a 500-cab trial run that began in January of 2003. By August 28, 2003, as then-TLC Commission Chairman Matthew Daus told The New York Times, he felt obliged to put this mutt to sleep. “New Yorkers didn’t embrace these units like they could have,” the chairman sighed. “Our surveys indicated that those who experienced the units showed either indifference or negativity. We saw no compelling need to keep them around.”

Time for New Yorkers to speak up and be heard before Congestion Mike’s next innovation: Public Rest Room TV. Why dither away those precious minutes sitting on the toilet when you could be entertained and informed? The only drawback is that it might interfere with one’s ability to communicate with the U.S. senator in the next stall.

Somewhere near City Hall, the ghost of P.T. Barnum is chuckling, because folks, you’ve been had. The mayor teased the riding public with visions of a technologically advanced taxi cab. But all we got was humbug, in the form of this crass, invasive dog of a marketing platform.

by Chip Stern

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